How much do you really love me?

Sunday, October 11, 2009

She works hard...

Seven-day weeks at the moment; not a lot of downtime. However, there may have been a lull yesterday in which I caught up with the ex of my teenage years. We were together ten years ago and a lot of time's rattled past since then.

There was a second where he looked me in the eye and said quietly "I'm not sure I ever knew you." This, from the guy who gently stole my virginity by degrees, who coaxed forth my first orgasm. We pushed our teenage selves so far together, decadent and unashamedly hedonistic... and a decade later he decides he never knew me? I should be clear: we weren't just about sex.

This boy and I never ran out of things to talk about. We never stopped dreaming up ways to rule the world. We'd be awake at four in the morning still drawing, writing, creating, dreaming. I thought I told him everything, but perhaps he wasn't listening.

There was another second, just after I said "But of course! You find adoration irresistible!" when I thought he was going to lunge across the table, hands clawing for my neck, and we would break each other again. He began - "How DARE you?!" only quieted when I - apparently unpeturbed - reached for my glass of red and sipped demurely.
Wrongfooted because he couldn't deny it, and oh, how he stumbled, trying to climb back up.

I'm not entirely sure, but I suspect the suggestion of my toes sliding lasciviously along his inner thigh may have upset his balance a little. He schooled me altogether too well.
We left, I drove: that too a blast of nostalgia, back to the days when I had a license and he didn't.

Back at his flat, I knew what was coming. The cliche just slipped out. "Would you like to come in for coffee?"
"That's so kind of you, but really I must keep going."
He asked for it.
"Actually, I'm meant to be somewhere... now, pretty much."
Confusion, loud and clear.
"I thought.... J's away? You said.."
"Yep. He is. And I have somewhere else to be."
Suddenly he realised; the immaculate hair, my perfect scarlet mouth and kamikaze heels were never for him.
"Bye, darling. It was so nice to catch up. See you again soon."
I left a pale brand on his left cheekbone and drove away humming.

Stupid boy. It was never for him. It's just not always for someone else, either.


  1. Now how will he get you off his mind? that's the point, isn't it? The conquerer, conquered and disposed of. Interesting write. ~rick

  2. Thanks, Rick. Stop by anytime :)
    Tickersoid: thank you for your comment. I stupidly deleted it while fiddling about with other settings on my comment preferences, but I appreciated it - and the sentiment - greatly.

  3. Being sick has its advantages... reading blogs like this for instance :)

  4. Ahhhh...

    I've never been one to wander physically, but I'll admit- I've wandered with my eyes and my mind.

    I'm going to read on, but thanks for the comment and I'll keep following. ;)

  5. "but I suspect the suggestion of my toes sliding lasciviously along his inner thigh may have upset his balance a little." - I know it would have thrown me completely off kilter!

    I really enjoyed reading this, kind of made me think back to my younger days.


  6. Dutch donut girl: Thank you :) recover soon though.

    Girl meets Gun: Thank you for coming on the ride.

    Wil: Some boys... well, you know them TOO well. I'm a little intrigued by the adventures of your "younger days" now.

  7. A woman I was with for three years said to me, after we broke up, that she had realized that I was really "conservative." That's when I realized that she had never really known me.

  8. Fabulous blog, darling!
    I will be back!
    Thanks for your visit :)


  9. Of course it was for someone else - you.

    You got me. I'm now a follower.

  10. well played, my friend. well played. :)

  11. Bravo. Couldn't have played it any better myself. I have a feeling that we may have some similarities when it comes to dealing with the sometimes oh-so-predictable male species.

    Can't wait to read more. xx

  12. just found your blog and i'm LOVING it.

  13. Kurt. That's killer. I'm assuming it wasn't just a difference in standards.
    CC, thank you for stopping by.
    O-Zone, you got it.
    drollgirl: thank you. It was a satisfying moment.
    Marissa: Oh god, now I feel the pressure. But in a good way, like something nice is about to happen. I'm sure you know what I mean.
    Chelsea TS: Thank you.

  14. You left, and 5 minutes later he was spankin the old monkey! LMAO!

  15. I have to admit; I am sickly addicted to your blog and find myself hungry for more.

  16. Isn't it fun to realize your "powers", so to speak, over a man? Purrrrr. Always leave em wanting a lil more.

  17. It's all about the power of suggestion and implication ... the kamikaze heels must have set him off ! and nice touch - driving off like that ;)

  18. JenJen: I'll do my best to satisfy you...
    Martie: Oh, I'll leave him wanting a LOT more.
    Dazediva: black, shiny, and VERY high. And it was a nice feeling to drive away.

  19. Hmmm. I think I need to take your lead and follow along. Keep em wanting more...I've just never been one to play with hearts. Does it, by chance work the same way when in a monogamous relationship? Leave em wanting more and they'll keep coming back?

    Love the blogs, trying to catch up. =]

  20. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.


Tell me what you think.